


where there's a will there's usually a dead/dying person

by magicalminiwheat



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi Keiji is a Good Friend, Awkward Kageyama Tobio, Cat Cafés, Chatting & Messaging, Kageyama Tobio is a Good Friend, Kageyama Tobio is trying his best, Pretty Setter Squad, Soft Kageyama Tobio, Soft Kozume Kenma, Soft Kuroo Tetsurou, dumbassery, mentions of smexc time, no actual smexc time, oikawa's plaid shorts nightmare, past sakukage, you know the one, you say innuendos i say proverbs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-14 12:47:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29418891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magicalminiwheat/pseuds/magicalminiwheat
Summary: a pretty setters chat fic!!! (there's also a captain chat and a gym 3 chat but it's focused on the setters) i'm mostly just seeing where the winds of bad humour take us so I'm sorry for the very vague summaryno emojis because I don't think they're the same on every device and that Ruins The Vibesrated Teens and up for language and mentions of seggstag's will be updated as we go (we as in you, me, and the voice in my head telling me that this is a bad idea)
Relationships: Kageyama Tobio/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 27
Kudos: 100





	1. technically it wasn't even his fault

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there is no character death the title is just because i keep forgetting tp give my fics titles  
> \-------  
> chat names!!! I'll update this at the beginning of each chapter  
> hit it till it breaks: oikawa  
> nyah: kenma  
> piss hair: atsumu  
> hoot: akaashi  
> milk man: kageyama  
> refreshing kun: suga  
> \-------  
> enjoy!!

_P(r)etty Bitches_

hit it till it breaks: guys guys guys

piss hair: what

hit it till it breaks: not you

piss hair:

piss hair: bitch

hit it till it breaks: *bad* bitch

milk man: yes oikawa?

hit it till it breaks: thank you tobio chan

hit it till it breaks: I’m missing the tea update me on ur lives pls

refreshing kun: awww you missed us?

hit it till it breaks: … no

hoot: I volunteer kenma

nyah: fdjakdl no <3

hoot: don’t you have an important update to share with the class

refreshing kun: oooo yes pls share

nyah: I hate ya’ll

nyah: Kuroo asked me on a date

hit it till it breaks: fucking finally

nyah: ?

hit it till it breaks: captains group chat

hoot: The What

nyah: you knew the whole time??????

hit it till it breaks: yes he talks about you allllllllll the time it’s so cute

refreshing kun: you knew most of us have a crush on our captain’s and you’ve BEEN IN CONTACT WITH THEM THE WHOLE TIME??????

hit it till it breaks: I ain’t no snitch

milk man:

piss hair:

refreshing kun: tobio you better not have a crush on Daichi I Will Fight You

milk man: I do not have a crush on Daichi san

refreshing kun: good.

piss hair:

milk man:

hoot: is something wrong????

milk man:

piss hair:

hit it till it breaks: what

hit it till it breaks: what are you doing stop that I don’t like it

refreshing kun: do you two have something to tell us? :knife:

milk man: …

milk man: Atsumu you go first

piss hair: no you

milk man: no you

piss hair: no you

hoot: omfg istg if you two don’t get on with it I’m going to force it out of you myself

hoot: … pls

nyah: haha akaashi trying to save his reputation

refreshing kun: dont change the topic

refreshing kun: just say it at the same time guys

piss hair: ok 3

milk man: 2

piss hair: 1

milk man:

piss hair:

milk man: WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY ANYTHING

piss hair: YOU DIDN’T EITHER BITCH

milk man: DONT CALL ME A BTICH YOULL MAKE ME SAD

piss hair: FINE I TAKE IT BACK UR NOT A BITCH IM SORRY

milk man: THANK YOU

hit it till it breaks: i cannot fucking stand you two pls just spit it out

piss hair: okok

milk man: me and sakusa had an entanglement

piss hair: I have a crush on sakusa

nyah: DHSFLASHFJ AN ENTANGLEMENT ????

hoot: i-

hoot: well that escalated quickly

piss hair: What Do You Mean An Entanglement

milk man: like you know

milk man: a n e n t a n g l e m e n t

piss hair: no I do not pls elaborate

milk man:

milk man: we hooked up a bunch of times

refreshing kun: look at my kouhai getting some *wipes tear*

hit it till it breaks: turning into the bad bitch I knew he could be

nyah: are we just ignoring astumu’s crush while we wait for it to sink in?

piss hair:

nyah: ok then

piss hair: YOU WHAT

milk man: IT WAS AN ACCIDENT

piss hair: HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY HAVE SEX WITH SOMEONE MULTIPLE TIMES

nyah: “oops my dick slipped” “nah it felt good bro do it again”

milk man:

milk man: ok maybe it wasn’t an accident but technically it wasn’t even my fault

piss hair: continue

milk man: remember when I called him normal or smthn at all japan youth camp

refreshing kun: you called one of the top ranked spikers normal?

milk man: yeah something along those lines

nyah: iconic

milk man: it seemed like a good idea at the time

hoot: I hate it here

refreshing kun: I blame his shit social abilities partly on you tooru

hit it till it breaks: bitch-

hit it till it breaks: ok fair enough continue with the story

milk man: ok so then he was like “fuck you” and I was like “is that a threat or a promise” and then we did the deed and then yeah

piss hair: HOW IS THAT NOT YOUR FAULT

milk man: HE STARTED IT

piss hair: NO?? HE DIDN't???

nyah: to be fair it sounds like there was a lot of sexual tension floating around

milk man: thank you kenma

milk man: but it’s okay atsumu because I know what he likes so now I can be your wingman

nyah: dajflndsadsafn kageyama no

hit it till it breaks: ykw his hearts in the right place 

refreshing kun: out of all the things you could have said

hoot: okay I think it’s time to move on now

piss hair: Tobio Name 1 Reason Why I Shouldn’t Beat Your Ass Right Now

milk man: it seemed like the proper thing to say at the time

hit it till it breaks: i feel like this is a reoccurring issue with you

nyah: tobio you never cease to amaze me

piss hair: WELL IT WASN'T OKAY I DON’T WANT THE DETAILS OF YOUR "ENTANGLEMENT"

nyah: really now?

piss hair:

piss hair: who topped

hoot: I thought we were moving on

nyah: no that was just you

milk man: we switched

refreshing kun: I did not need to know that

nyah: I did

piss hair: i did

milk man: wait kenma what?

hoot: LET’S MOVE ON

piss hair: i am saving this conversation for later

nyah: omg tobio is literally living the enemies to lovers trope

piss hair: what ???

hoot: funny i said "let's move on" and yet here we are 

piss hair: no.

piss hair: no enemies to lovers only enemies to friends you cannot be lovers

milk man: i’d like to add that is was more of a hookup out of spite and then it was like “ykw this isn’t too bad” so then it progressed into like a enemies to acquaintances with benefits kind of situation

piss hair: i’m surprised you know what acquaintances means

hit it till it breaks: you know what I didn’t need to know that i agree with keiji let’s move on

hoot: fucking finally

hit it till it breaks: atsumu tell us more about your crush on sakusa

piss hair: actually would you look at the time my dog needs to be watered

refreshing kun: 

piss hair: i did not think that through

refreshing kun: fine moving on I can’t believe our baby setter is getting more action than me

milk man: :( I’m not a baby

nyah: ur the youngest out of all of us

nyah: and there’s no other first years in the chat

hit it till it breaks: thus you are our baby setter

refreshing kun: think of it like a baby brother maybe?

_milk man’s name was changed to babysetter_

hoot: sakusa is going to jail for having sex with a baby

babysetter: not a baby :(

hoot: there goes your chance atsumu

piss hair: weren’t you the one who kept telling us to shut up about it 

hoot: semantics

nyah: BACK TO ME NOW

nyah: kuroo’s taking me to a cat cafe this weekend :various heart emojis: he’s so romantic ughhhh

hoot: I thought you didn’t want to share

nyah: semantics

refreshing kun: congratulations for being the only one who has their shit together

nyah: you wish you were me don't you bitch :sly face:

refreshing kun: bitch 

nyah: i may be bitch but i’m a bitch with a date ehehe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'd like to believe that kuroken has their shit together but you know what we'll never know. stay tuned for pre kuroken date shenanigans  
> also i'd add yahaba and the shiratorizawa setters but I'm having a hard time remembering to keep everyone talking already so uh... no <3
> 
> thanks for reading!!! i hope you liked it <3 muah muah  
> comments and kudos are very very appreciated ;D
> 
> \------  
> edit 2.15.2021: i forgot to mark it as multi chapter lol  
> edit 2.18.2021: ok apparently when i forgot to mark it as multi chapter it fucked a bunch of things up so uhhhhhi'm just going to editing as i go


	2. get this man some goddamn cat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the kuroken cat cafe date!!
> 
> plus some good good kenkage interaction i love them so much

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> names! names are always most recent from the end of last chapter
> 
> oikawa: hit it till it breaks  
> kenma: nyah  
> suga: refreshing kun  
> kageyama: babysetter  
> atsumu: piss hair  
> akaashi: hoot
> 
> enjoy!!

_P(r)etty Bitches)_

nyah: date day date day

refreshing kun: haha yas bitch go get you a mans

hit it till it breaks: how are we feeling 

nyah: a little bit nervous but I’m doing fine

hoot: he is not doing fine

hit it till it breaks: ?

nyah: akaashi is at my house

nyah: he’s helping me pick my outfit

hoot: you are definitely more than a little bit nervous

refreshing kun: send outfit pics !! we can hype u up

hoot: _image attachment_

hoot: _image attachment_

[a/n: i'm too lazy to find outfits for him but the first one is like pastel soft aesthetic with a skirt if you so desire and the second one is like techno aesthetic and involves black kim possible esque cargo pants]

piss hair: ooooooo get it kenma

refreshing kun: yesss kenma 

hit it till it breaks: hawt :smexc emojis:

babysetter: wow kenma you look really good

nyah: aww thank you thank you but my heart already belongs to another

hoot: and you ruined the moment

nyah: fr thanks though

nyah: which one should I wear

refreshing kun: the second one makes you look like a bad bitch

hit it till it breaks: i agree the first one is like cute and soft but the second one is like hot and smexc 

piss hair: oikawa ur opinion on fashion related situations are immediately invalidated 

hit it till it breaks: *gasp* what why D:

piss hair: _image attachment_ [a/n: it’s that plaid shorts outfit pic i know you know the one] 

piss hair: that

hit it till it breaks: i feel like that doesn’t count

hoot: why would you bring that back my eyes

babysetter: oh my god i forgot about that

hit it till it breaks: … keep forgetting tobio chan

piss hair: what possessed you to wake up one morning and say “wow this is going to look so good”

hit it till it breaks: um aren’t we supposed to be helping kenma 

nyah: no pls continue

nyah: this is funny

hit it till it breaks: kenma i thought you loved me 

_hit it till it breaks’ name was changed to plaid lad_

plaid lad: HEY

plaid lad: WHO DID THAT

refreshing kun: SAJKFHADFJK PLAID LAD????

piss hair: damn I wish I thought of that

refreshing kun: was that picture even real?? I feel like it was a fever dream

plaid lad: for my dignity, let’s say it was fake

plaid lad: but for real who changed my name i just want to talk :knife:

hoot: kenma I like the first one 

plaid lad: AKA CHAN WHY ARE U IGNORING MY QUESTION WAS IT YOU

hoot: you guys can’t see it but the skirt is very swooshy when he walks [a/n: nvr mind add a skirt to ur mental picture]

plaid lad: hey! :angry face:

plaid lad: are you ignoring me !!

piss hair: LMAO

hoot: and it makes his waist look snatched.

piss hair: *sigh* I see how it is

babysetter: why are you dressing so fancy if kuroo sees you in baggy clothes all the time

nyah: ouch

plaid lad: that was kind of rude tobio chan

babysetter: oh sorry

baby setter: but i meant like

babysetter: you’re obviously more comfortable in a hoodie and sweats and it might make you less nervous for your date if you’re in clothes you feel relaxed in and I think kuroo would want you to be comfortable for your date because he cares about you

nyah: i did not think of that

nyah: hmmm 

nyah: no

babysetter: oh 

babysetter: ok sorry 

nyah: i think that i would be more comfortable wearing baggy clothes but I want to show kuroo that I put effort into the date and that I care 

babysetter: hmm i see

babysetter: the zippers and extra pockets on the cargo pants might be uncomfortable for the cats to sit on

babysetter: so maybe wear the first outfit with long pants so you can fit more cats on ur lap without flashing anyone

nyah: oh! good idea

nyah: brb going to change

piss hair: i feel like i just intruded on a private moment

hoot: yeah

plaid lad: *wipes tears* that was so cute

refreshing kun: wow kageyama that was really thoughtful of you 

babysetter: i dunno

refreshing kun: im proud of you <3

babysetter: oh 

babysetter: thx :)

nyah: im backkkk

nyah: _image attachment_ [a/n just imagine whatever first outfit you had in mind before but with the long pants of your choosing. Or just any new outfit with a soft aesthetic and pants lol.]

piss hair: WOW SO CUTE

refreshing kun: ^^^ you should wear this outfit

nyah: the thicker the thighs the more kitties you can fit on ur lap

plaid lad: that is true

piss hair: fax no printer

hoot: oh eww why would you say that 

piss hair: wdym?

babysetter: that was kind of cringy atsumu 

nyah: AAAAAAAA EVERYONE SHUT UP HE’S HERE

plaid lad: AAAAAAAAAH

refreshing kun: have fun kenma!! I hope it goes well!

piss hair: WOO UR MANS

hoot: i think kuroo is already thoroughly wooed

piss hair: WOO UR MANS MORE ER

hoot: why do i even bother

babysetter: good luck kenma

nyah: THANK YOU THANK YOU

nyah: WHAT DO I TALK ABOUT IN THE CAR

plaid lad: UHHHHH IDK ASK ABOUT THE WEATHER??

babysetter: ... uhhhhhh volleyball?

hoot: talk about the new game he got you 

hoot: or compliment him

nyah: THAT’S A GOOD IDEA THANK YOU

hoot: stop texting and talk to him

nyah: OKAY BYE

* * *

_Private Message: Kenma and Akaashi_

Kenma: AKAASHI

Kenma: AKAASHI

Kenma: HEY

Kenma: HEY

Kenma: BITCH

Kenma: PICK UP UR PHONE

Akaashi: omg chill 

Akaashi: i thought you were on a date

Kenma: i know but kuroo’s been in the bathroom for like 15 minutes what does that mean

Kenma: do you think he’s having second thoughts?

Kenma: aaaaaaa I’m panicking

Akaashi: no he’s probably nervous

Akaashi: or maybe he got distracted by something

Akaashi: as he does

Kenma: idk 15 minutes is a very long time to be distracted

Kenma: do you think he forgot about me

Akaashi: hold up

Kenma: no come backkkkkkk

Kenma: how could you abandon me in my time of need

Kenma: I thought you loved me

Kenma: don’t hit me up :x emoji: only the real ones know :sad emoji: :arm flex thing:

Kenma: akaaaashiiiii

Kenma: keiiiiijiiiiiiiiii

Akaashi: oh my god im back shut up

Akaashi: i do love you

Kenma: haha i knew it bitch

Akaashi: jesus christ you’re never getting that out of me again shut up

Akaashi: I just texted bokuto

Akaashi: he was giving kuroo a pep talk

Kenma: yeah but pep talks don’t take that lonngggggg

Kenma: akaashi maybe the pep talk made him realize he doesn’t want me :sad emoji: :that emoji with the really big and sad eyes: 

Akaashi: oh my gosh you’re overthinking it’s probably nothing

Kenma: oh he’s coming back now

Kenma: AKAASHI HE’S COMING BACK WHAT DO I SAY

Kenma: awww he’s holding kitties in his arms he’s so cute

Kenma: i love him so much we should adopt a cat together

Kenma: WAIT I CAN’T LOVE HIM YET IT’S ONLY THE FIRST DATE 

Kenma: AKAASHI HELP

Akaashi: jesus christ you’re so fucking whipped

Akaashi: ask him what took so long

Kenma: ok

Kenma: he’s says he found a cat that looked me and he was trying to pick it up to show me but it kept jumping out of his arms

Akaashi: wow did I call it or did I call it 

Kenma: THAT’S SO CUTE UGHHHH HOW IS HE SO HOT AND CUTE AND THOUGHTFUL THAT’S NOT FAIR

Kenma: IT REMINDED HIM OF ME FUCKKKKKKK :various heart emojis:

Kenma: MY HEART IS GOING TO EXPLODE YUCK YUCK YUCK

Akaashi: what a dumbass

Akaashi: it’s cute tho

Kenma: hey don’t insult him he’s not a dumbass

Kenma: and you can’t call him cute only i can do that

Akaashi: i hate it here

Akaashi: get off your phone and talk to him

Kenma: no you looooooooooveeeeeee meeee

Kenma: ok bye our food’s hereeee

* * *

_P(r)etty Setters_

plaid lad: how was your date ken chan?

plaid lad: ugh i forgot you guys changed my name

nyah: it was good!! he was so cute and then he kissed my forehead when he dropped me off

refreshing kun: OMG FOREHEAD KISS

babysetter: I’m glad it went well kenma :)

hoot: congrats kenma! Did you guys plan a second date yet?

nyah: yeah he’s coming over after practice tomorrow :heart eyes:

plaid lad: wooooooooo :sparkle: after practice dates :sparkle:

piss hair: look at kenma getting the d

nyah: no d yet but i appreciate the thought

refreshing kun: with how kuroo acts i would have thought you guys would have kissed today

nyah: yeah outward he’s like :the sweaty red face emoji with the tongue out: :the squiggly mouth one idk how to describe it but its like heh eyebrow raise: but inside he’s just a huge nerd

nyah: he wants to take it slow which is hngghhhh so cute wow

plaid lad: awww that’s so sweet

babysetter: I’m happy that you’re happy

nyah: thank you kageyama! I appreciated your clothing advice before too!! 

nyah: there were so many cats on my lap i felt like i was going to explode

babysetter: can you send pictures??

nyah: of course!!

nyah: _image attachment_

nyah: _image attachment_

nyah: _image attachment_

babysetter: ahhhhh so cute

babysetter: i like cats but i don't know how to pet them so i don’t get to see happy cats often :(

nyah: !!! we should go to the cat cafe as a setter outing so that kageyama can play with cats

nyah: i will show you how to hold them 

babysetter: really!!!!!!!

babysetter: thank you that makes me happy (:

nyah: of course :that happy blushing fucker: 

refreshing kun: GODDAMN THAT WAS SO CUTE

babysetter: i’m not cute >:(

refreshing kun: GODDAMN THAT WAS SO GOOD

babysetter: :D

piss hair: GET THIS MAN SOME GODDAMN CAT

nyah: I AM TRYING MY GOOD SIR

babysetter: pls gib cat 

piss hair: i love how we have a silent agreement to just sit and observe whenever kageyama and kenma are talking

plaid lad: its because tobio chan/ken chan interactions are superior

nyah: i can’t believe I was scared of you before kageyama I’m sorry :crying emoji:

babysetter: it’s okay!! I’m sorry for scaring you hinata says i look scary all the time so i don’t blame you

hoot: look at our baby setters interacting

nyah: akaashi you’re younger than me

refreshing kun: kageyama/kenma interactions >>

babysetter: ahhhh thank you but i like talking to everyone else too!

hoot: *holds close to heart*

plaid lad: TOBIOCHAN UR WORDS ARE TOO CUTE AND BLUNT FOR UR UGLY FACE

nyah: HEY :knife: WHAT DID YOU SAY ???

plaid lad: * TOBIO CHAN UR WORDS ARE SO CUTE*

nyah: THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT BITCH

refreshing kun: aww baby i'm glad you feel comfortable around us :that same happy blushing fucker:

piss hair: DON'T THINK I HAVEN'T FORGOTTEN THAT YOU AND OMIOMI :ok sign: :pointer finger: ING [a/n: if ur confused do it irl and then put ur finger inside the ok]

babysetter: I DIDN'T KNOW YOU LIKED HIM??? AND I SAID IT WASN'T MY FAULT

hoot: every time i think we're past this 

piss hair: *cough* but i feel the same thank you for talking with me

babysetter: oh!

babysetter: your welcome!

babysetter: I'M GOING TO BED NOW UR MAKING MY CHEEKS RED

refreshing kun: AWWWWWWW

plaid lad: DON'T BE SHY TOBIO CHAN SEND US PICS OF UR CUTE CHUBBY BLUSHY CHEEKS 

baby setter: NO

babysetter: GOODNIGHT

babysetter: i'm sorry that was very aggressive

babysetter: goodnight :)

_babysetter is offline_

piss hair: i did not think kageyama had a soft side before today

nyah: i did

refreshing kun: i did

hoot: i did

nyah: when he first came to me for advice during training camp he was very polite

hoot: ^^ after i saved him from choking he bought me a milk carton and left it by my bag with a thank you note

hoot: the milk was spoiled but it's the thought that counts

refreshing kun: before the practice match where oikawa wanted him as starting setter he apologized for taking my spot

plaid lad: oh what?

plaid lad: that's really sweet and mature of him

refreshing kun: he apologizes a lot 

piss hair: actually it kind of makes sense now?

piss hair: wow he's even more of a goody two shoes than i thought

piss hair: in a good way

hoot: it feels kind of weird talking about him while he's not here

plaid lad: hmm 

plaid lad: ur right

plaid lad: @babysetter

plaid lad: TOBIO CHAN WAKE UP

nyah: FALHDSK OIKAWA NO LMAO

refreshing kun: oikawa! let him sleep

plaid lad: hmm ur right he isn't naturally beautiful like me

plaid lad: he needs his beauty sleep

babysetter: oikawa i was sleeping :(

plaid lad: oh well looks like hes awake already

babysetter: what do you want

plaid lad: ur so rude when your sleepy

plaid lad: i just want you to know that whoever you choose to date will be getting a very large shovel talk from me :knife: 

babysetter: i think i can take care of my self oikawa san but thx

plaid lad:

plaid lad: tobio chan you should learn when to just shut up and accept my support because i don't just give it out to anyone got it?

baby setter: there's other ways to support me than just my romantic life

baby setter: like in volleyball

plaid lad: 

plaid lad: go back to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!! comments and kudos are very appreciated muah muah also i'm sorry if you have no clue what emojis im talking about the no emoji thing is backfiring very quickly. 
> 
> i tried to make this chapter more soft?? like the last one was funny this one is soft tell me which one ya'll like better or maybe we can do both  
> ALSO I SWEAR I DON'T HAVE A FAVORITE I JUST HEADCANNON KAGS IS SOFT WITH OTHER SETTERS AND A FUCKING DUMBASS WITH ANYONE ELSE AND I LIKE IT WHEN HE IS LOVED AND APPRECIATED feral kenma can come... another time
> 
> stay tuned for next chapter !!! (all japan youth chat!)


	3. this chapter was made possible by the old lady gossip group

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wingman kageyama!! Atsumu confronts Sakusa about the sakukage training camp fling and characters from the All Japan youth camp are introduced.  
> Mentions of Hinata but he probably won't be an active character in this fic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :description of emoji: signifies an emoji btw sorry for not saying so earlier
> 
> Chat names! Names are always most recent from the end of last chapter and characters not present in specific chapters will not be added to the chat names list
> 
> Kageyama : goody2shoes  
> Atsumu: BestSetter  
> Sakusa: Mr. clean  
> Hoshiumi: seagullratboy  
> Komori: omi’s leash holder  
> ____________________________  
> enjoy <3

**Chapter 3: this chapter was made possible by the old lady gossip group**

_Private Message: Sakusa and Kageyama_

Kageyama: um… heads up

Kageyama: ikindoftoldagroupchataboutthethingduringtrainingcamp

Sakusa: You What.

Kageyama: IKindOfToldAGroupChatAboutTheThingDuringTrainingCamp

Sakusa: What happened to hello?

Sakusa: Good Morning?

Sakusa: How are you?

Sakusa: All boys want now is to tell you that you broadcasted your hookup to millions of people

Kageyama: i wish you were as quiet over text as you are in person 

Sakusa: Shut up.

Kageyama: no I’m telling YOU to shut up.

Sakusa: I can’t believe i willingly had sex with you

Sakusa: How many people were in the group chat

Kageyama: uhhh 5

Sakusa: FIVE PEOPLE????

Kageyama: IF YOU GET TO TELL YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM WHY CAN’T I TELL MINE

Sakusa: KOMORI IS ONE PERSON AND YOU ALREADY TOLD HINATA WHEN WE AGREED ON ONE PERSON KNOWING

Kageyama: technically we’re all setters so it’s like we’re all one big setter person and I'm changing the rule to you can tell two people

Sakusa: How does that make sense 

Sakusa: Wait is atsumu in the groupchat

Kageyama: uhh yeah 

Kageyama: he’s a setter duh

Sakusa: 

Sakusa: I no longer associate with you 

Kageyama: wait why

Kageyama: Sakusa

Kageyama: stop leaving me on read

Kageyama: why does it matter that Atsumu is a setter

Kageyama: did you forget he was a setter? Lmao idiot

Kageyama: i’m sending him screenshots i can’t believe you forgot

Sakusa: WAIT NO

Sakusa: Don’t send him screenshots that’s not why

Kageyama: then why does it matter that he knows now

Sakusa: …

_Sakusa took a screenshot_

Kageyama: HEY

Kageyama: WHAT DID YOU DO

Kageyama: HIPACRIT

Kageyama: how do you spell it

Kageyama: HIPPOCRITE 

Kageyama: HIPPECRET

_Private Message: Sakusa and Komori_

Sakusa: Komori

Sakusa: Komori

Sakusa: Motoya Komori get your ass over here right now 

Komori: ohoho :smirk: what’s this?

Komori: Sakusa texting first?? Careful I might think you like me :wink: :wink:

Sakusa: No shut up and help me

Sakusa: _*screenshots of his convo with kags*_

Sakusa: What do I do?

Komori: I would help you

Komori: buttttt

Sakusa: What have I gotten myself into

Komori: 1st you have help me get out of (insert aunt’s name)’s wedding early

Sakusa: Why don’t you want to stay the whole time 

Komori: isn't this her 7th husband I'm getting tired of weddings

Komori: also grandma thinks I have a girlfriend because of something her old lady gossip group said and now I have to bring someone to the wedding but I don't have anyone so since ur her favorite grandchild you have to tell her that my fake gf is sick and couldn't come

Sakusa: Haha loser

Komori: i’m not helping you anymore

Sakusa: Wait no fine I’ll help you

Komori: ohh yayy! Sakusa you’re so generous :shiny eyeball shit:

Sakusa: Give me my advice pls

Komori: just tell Kageyama the truth

Sakusa: Are you crazy?

Komori: uhh no? what’s the worst that could happen?

Sakusa: Um he could tell Atsumu?

Komori: But would he? Kageyama is a good person. Plus i think he’s too socially awkward to gossip

Sakusa: I guess so

Sakusa: Thanks for the advice

Komori: AWWW I LOVE YOU TOOOOOOOOO make sure u help me next week or I’ll steal all of your shampoo and replace it with mayonnaise

Sakusa: Disgusting.

_Private Chat: Kageyama and Sakusa_

Kageyama: SAKUSA WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THE SCREENSHOTS

Kageyama: I KNOW YOU’RE GETTING MY MESSAGES IT SAYS YOU HAVEN’T BLOCKED ME YET

Kageyama: SAKUSA YOU CAN’T SEND SCREENSHOTS TO PEOPLE I WAS GOING TO DO THAT FIRST

Sakusa: Oh my god shut up.

Kageyama: Who did you send those to

Sakusa: Komori

Kageyama: oh why

Sakusa:

Sakusa: I have a crush on Atsumu that’s why 

Kageyama: YOU DO???

Sakusa: No Kageyama I had to talk to Komori for emotional support because I needed help playing a prank on you

Kageyama: really?

Sakusa: No you idiot I was being sarcastic 

Kageyama: oh that’s good

Kageyama: it would have been really sad if you needed Komori’s help for that because that makes you stupider than I thought

Sakusa: I hate you

Kageyama: but you don’t hate Atsumu and I’m friends with Atsumu so technically you can’t hate me

Sakusa: I'm begining to think you don't know what technically means

Kageyama: 

Kageyama: anyways it’s good that you like Atsumu

Sakusa: why?

Kageyama: because

Kageyama:

Kageyama: um nevermind 

Sakusa: No Kageyama, tell me why it’s good that I like Atsumu because a few minutes ago, I was informed that my CRUSH KNOWS ABOUT A HOOKUP THAT I HAD WITH ONE OF HIS BEST FRIENDS AND I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHAT'S SO “GOOD” ABOUT THAT BECAUSE NOW HE PROBABLY THINKS I LIKE YOU

Kageyama: *gasp*

Kageyama: I’m one of his best friends???

Sakusa: THAT IS NOT THE THING TO FOCUS ON RIGHT NOW

Kageyama: ask stupid people stupid questions and you'll get stupid answers

Sakusa: At least you’re self aware

Kageyama: hey!

Sakusa: We’re getting off topic answer my question

Sakusa: Stop ignoring me 

Sakusa: I know this mother fucker did not just leave me on read 

[A/N: this is like a month later]

_national swag bois youth camp_

BestSetter: KAGEYAMA AND SAKUSA

seagullratboy: ur gay

BestSetter: we're literally all gay 

omi's leash holder: *bi*

BestSetter: shut up I have the talking stick

seagullratboy: wtf is a talking stick

BestSetter: didn't i tell you to shut up? anyways

BestSetter: THIS IS AN INTERVENTION

omi’s leash holder: remind me why we let Atsumu change our nicknames?

seagullratboy: oh I forgot about that

_Private Chat: Kageyama and Sakusa_

Sakusa: KAGEYAMA WHAT DID YOU DO

Kageyama: IT WASN’T ME I PROMISE

Sakusa: WELL FIX IT THEN

Kageyama: WHAT WHY ME

Sakusa: HE’S YOUR FRIEND

Kageyama: you mean best friend

Sakusa: Really we're doing this now?

Kageyama: plus he’s your crush 

Sakusa: YOU’RE THE ONE WHO TOLD HIM ABOUT THE FLING

Kageyama: YOU’RE THE ONE WHO PUT UR DICK UP MY ASS

Sakusa: WE SWITCHED

Sakusa: AND IT WAS MUTUALLY CONSENSUAL

Sakusa: Where did you go

Sakusa: It was mutually consensual right?

Sakusa: Hello? Kageyama your scaring me

Kageyama: i had to google the word mutual

Sakusa: I give up

Sakusa: This is hopeless 

Kageyama: don’t give up! I’ll help you get with him

Sakusa: How???

Kageyama: I’m an excellent wingman 

Sakusa:

Sakusa: I’m going to die alone

Kageyama: have more faith in me 

Sakusa: Please just fix this

Kageyama: you won’t regret this!

_national swag bois youth camp_

seagullratboy: wait what are you interventioning

BestSetter: I forgot you were in the group chat when I sent that so uhhh

BestSetter: You can't know

seagullratboy: r00d.

goody2shoes: yes?

Mr. clean: What do you want

BestSetter: I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU GUYS HOOKED UP DURING THE TRAINING CAMP

seagullratboy: YOU GUYS WERE HAVING SEX

BestSetter: I KNOW RIGHT

seagullratboy: wait it kind of makes sense

BestSetter: um?? how???

seagullratboy: because they’re both cool and have black hair and are blunt

seagullratboy: is that yalls type?

goody2shoes: Sakusa’s good looking

goody2shoes: right Atsumu?

BestSetter: wait what

Mr. clean: wait what

goody2shoes: plus we are no longer having sex it’s not a big deal

BestSetter: so if i had sex with Komori it wouldn’t be a big deal

omi’s leash holder: um ew no even though i swing both ways i still wouldn’t pick you

BestSetter: okay ouch but answer my question

goody2shoes: uh not if it was casual

goody2shoes: but it might be a big deal if you and Sakusa were having sex right

goody2shoes: andwhy do you care so much anyways

seagullratboy: oooo Kageyama bringing out the fighting words

omi’s leash holder: drag him Kageyama 

Mr. clean: I’m already regretting this

_Private Chat: Kageyama and Atsumu_

Atsumu: WHAT ARE YOU DOING 

Kageyama: I’M HELPING YOU

Kageyama: THIS IS WHERE YOU CONFESS

Atsumu: UM NO 

Kageyama: CHICKEN POOP

Atsumu: UM YEAH MAYBE A LITTLE 

_Private Chat: Sakusa and Kageyama_

Sakusa: KAGEYAMA

Kageyama: what

Sakusa: WHAT HAPPENED TO DIFFUSING THE SITUATION

Sakusa: KAGEYAMA?

Kageyama: sorry i had to google diffuse

Kageyama: I’m being your wingman remember? I’m revealing his intentions 

Sakusa: yeah but if he doesn’t like me back then it’ll just be awkward and uncomfortable

Kageyama: no trust me it’ll work ok

_national swag bois youth camp_

BestSetter: DIVERSION!!!!

omi’s leash holder: what the fuck

seagullratboy: that came out of nowhere

omi’s leash holder: ikr

BestSetter: KAGEYAMA DID YOU KNOW YOU’RE ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS

goody2shoes: WHOAHHHHH REALLY?

BestSetter: YEAH!!!

goody2shoes: WOW!!!

goody2shoes: MY BEST FRIEND IS ACTUALLY HINATA BUT THANK YOU IT’S AN HONOR

BestSetter: wow is it national reject Atsumu day or what

goody2shoes: um idk why don’t you confess to Sakusa

Mr. clean: wait what

seagullratboy: what

omi's leash holder: what

BestSetter: I told you about that in confidence and this is how I am repaid

goody2shoes: you spilled my secret too 

Mr. clean: Atsumu private chat now.

seagullratboy: the fabled dom voice

_Private Chat: Sakusa and Atsumu_

Sakusa: You have a crush on me?

Atsumu: oh uh yeah sorry if it makes things awkward between us

Sakusa: Um no it’s fine

Sakusa: Actually I like you too

Atsumu: really?

Sakusa: Uh yeah

Atsumu: like as in like like me or just like me

Sakusa: Like like

Atsumu: like in a gay way or like in a friend way

Sakusa: Don’t make me take it back

Atsumu: please don’t

Sakusa: I won't

Atsumu: oh wow

Atsumu: this is very good

Sakusa: One may even it's great

Atsumu: Cool

Sakusa: Neat.

Atsumu: so uhh… you wanna go out with me? tomorrow?

Sakusa: Like as a date? or

Atsumu: Uh no as a date 

Sakusa: I would like that :)

_Atsumu took a screenshot_

Sakusa: Atsumu?

Atsumu: oh I’m sending it to Kageyama

Atsumu: he was helped me ask you out

Atsumu: that's why he was being weird in the groupchat

Sakusa: wait what?

Sakusa: but he told me he was my wingman 

Atsumu: 

Atsumu: that little shit

_Atsumu added Kageyama to the chat_

Atsumu: KAGEYAMA

Kageyama: ?

Atsumu: YOU KNEW OMI AND I HAD A CRUSH ON EACH OTHER AND YOU DIDN’T TELL US?

Kageyama: to be fair i didn’t really know until a few weeks ago

Sakusa: He’s not wrong tsumu

Atsumu: tsumu?

Sakusa: Oh uh i thought nicknames were a couples thing i can stop if you want

Atsumu: um no i like it omi

Sakusa: :heart:

Kageyama: SAKUSA USED AN EMOJI???? Atsumu he’s so soft for you 

Kageyama: also congrats guys i see my wingmanning worked 

Sakusa: Please stop

Kageyama: yk he likes it when you call him omi omi Atsumu?

Kageyama: it makes him flustered hint hint

Sakusa: Don’t forget that you’re only a train ride away and I know where you live.

Kageyama: OKAY CONGRATS GUYS IM GONNA GO BYE

_[A/N: after the date]_

_Private chat: Atsumu and Kageyama_

Atsumu: hey Kageyama?

Kageyama: yeah?

Atsumu: sorry about telling the group chat about your thing with Sakusa it wasn’t really my place or secret to share and I understand if I betrayed your trust

Atsumu: I hope things are still cool between us

Kageyama: yeah it’s still cool I told you our thing together wasn’t romantic remember

Kageyama: plus it helped you guys get together so I don’t mind

Atsumu: you helped get us together too

Atsumu: so thanks again for that

Kageyama: no problem! You guys are my friends and I want to see you two happy

Kageyama: and don’t feel insecure about your relationship because of it and let it get in between you Sakusa likes you a lot okay

Atsumu: oh thanks i was kind of worried about that

Kageyama: yeah ur face gets really ugly when you think too much so ur easy to read

Atsumu: wow thanks for telling me that's so nice of you

Kageyama: your welcome

Kageyama: it’s easy for me to share my feelings over text and in private messages than irl

Kageyama: so thank you for apologizing and thinking of my feelings you’re a good friend

Atsumu: yw

Kageyama: not my best friend though

Atsumu: did you know that I hate you 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked this chapter!! I'm sorry this one took longer than the others school is whooping my ass rn and I started this fic over break. From now on chapters will probably take longer to post so I apologize in advance.
> 
> fun fact: in the beginning it was originally supposed to be Kageyama and Atsumu hooking up during training camp and then when they're telling the setters they get confused as to what's being shared so Atsumu tells them that him and Kageyama freaky deakied and Kageyama tell the chat that Atsumu has a type which is how Sakusa as Atsumu's love interest gets introduced but I decided that I liked Kageyama having strong platonic bonds with each setter instead (dw kageyama stans he still gets a romance arc chapter and if u were here before I updated the tags you already know who it is)
> 
> things to look forward to in the next chapter: Atsumu tells the setters, truth or dare occurs!! (might be a longer chapter so don't expect it anytime soon)


End file.
